i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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