I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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