she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
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On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
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Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.