If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy