That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.