If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck