Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
