forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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