My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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