I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
