You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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