I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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