The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
