You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
