we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
