i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize