Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
MIDGETS
????
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
