Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
