God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
