He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
