Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
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