I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
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dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
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My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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