You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
