would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
