my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
