I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
