We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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