Your dad touched me again.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
