Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
