That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
this boner is exhausting
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
