Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
