one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
