I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
