It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
