If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
