Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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