All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
