I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
