yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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