Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I think I won the penis lottery.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
