went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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