On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
