i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
