You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
