she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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