Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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