where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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