dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
