I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
