my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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