I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
