Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
