he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
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She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize