How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
