I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
