i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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