Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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