I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
