I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
And then he peed in my hair
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